Soccer Players Wear Shinguards and Stuff

I wanted to use this image to talk about how unobservant some people can be, and I will, but then I noticed the two girls in the background playing that Apples on a Stick game, and I thought, well, how funny, how everyone thinks her own little story is so important, but when you take a wider view, you see people are really just doing their own thing, playing hand games.

Speaking of soccer games and people doing many different things at once, I totally busted these little boys pinning another boy inside a port-a-potty. It was half-time during a game a couple of weeks ago, and I skipped off to the bathroom. I saw a short little hellion with his arm kind of wrapped around the side of the thing. Once I got around to the front, I saw three boys using all their body weight to hold the door closed. I shouted at them and looked real mean, and as soon as they scattered, another little boy frantically spilled out of the rancid room, sobbing uncontrollably. I put my hand on his shoulder and asked him if he was okay. He put his hand on my hand (ewwww!) and just kept crying. Again, I shouted at the other morons, "Donde esta la, la..." (Someone needs to work on her Spanish.) They pointed to their parents and ran toward them, as they knew was required of them at the moment. Anyway, I wonder how long that little victim will be traumatized by that. Kids are mean.

But that's not what I wanted to talk about.

See these uniforms? These are called "soccer uniforms." I was wearing one Tuesday night after soccer practice, cleats and all. I had mud caked on my arms and legs as well. I went into Walgreens like this. When I left the store, I saw this guy sitting in the back of a pickup truck, smoking a cigarette, maybe drinking a beer. I don't know. The important thing was that he had on a homemade shirt that read, "Soccer Moms are Hot." So when I passed him, I said "I like your shirt." Get it? He loves soccer moms. I'm a soccer player. Ironic, right?

Here was his witty response: "Oh, do you play soccer?"

Yep.